When Mom and Dad split it sucked. It felt like we’d lost everything we knew and loved. We lost the space that wasn’t perfect, but it was familiar and safe. We got forced into new, unknown territory and it was scary and uncomfortable. But not allowing our feelings to be what they were means feeling empty inside more than 2 decades later.
It means driving past horses grazing in a field and not feeling the full force of the happiness that that would have once brought to my face. It means moving through each day and not truly seeing anything, or feeling anything. It means constantly searching for something, anything, to fill the void created knowing that nothing really will.
It means missed chances to connect with my kids, my husband, and others who mean the world to me. It’s not living life to the fullest and being utterly terrified that life will pass us by and we’ll get to the end never having really figured out how to feel, how to connect, how to breathe and be at peace.